Just a tired soul.........

I seldom or rarely treat myself as a princess...

Nor do I have princess treatment...

Never thought I would need to be handled with care...

But today... I felt like I would want to imagine...

My heart is placed into a transparent cube...

And I would like to label it with "Please handle it with care"...

..........deep breaths........

I should handle myself with care all the time...

But... I never really made it a priority to take care of myself in the first place...

I was always worried about others and placed others' priorities in front of me...

.......

And I slowly just don't care about myself...

That's a sad story, isn't it?........

I don't know what my purpose in life is...

There is so much pain and sorrow underneath....

I wouldn't want to unfold and rewind those bad memories.......

.........

But all of that is still part of me... stayed in me...

And they are fading as time passes...

I am not sure if my love or affection is fading too...

I just feel my whole body or brain is in low energy mode...

My heart too...

They feel very heavy...

I don't think I've really gotten any real rest all this time...

I was consciously and unconsciously always anxious and worried about not doing well in my life...

Guess what...

My most recent dream... was that I am in a crowd and each person has to go up on stage and sing a Japanese song... to show that you are fluent in Japanese...

I was anxious in the dream and I was trying to think what Japanese song I knew how to sing...

And I ended up thinking too hard that I woke up from the dream...

@_@......

I guess I really do stress easily...

I can't relax...

Fully relaxing is a dream for me... maybe...

One day I will be happy and feel relaxed and have fun in my life...

One day sounds like it might take forever to come...

Alright I feel sleepy...

I will sleep then...

Hopefully I don't have any anxious dreams again... tonight...

That's all... for today...

Life must go on...

My old body, my heavy heart, or my tired soul wants to rest...

But no rest... for me...

I don't think I can understand those people who are in bed and excited for tomorrow...

Because I slowly just don't wish to open my eyes tomorrow...

Every day is the same...

I'm stuck where I am...

Nothing really lightens my heart...

........

说实话。。。

可能就是又要开始木乃伊了。。。

就是麻木。。。

什么都没什么情绪。。。

不是暴脾气就是想哭。。难受。。。

什么都不想干。。。摆烂。。。

摆烂。。。

。。。

不过挺搞笑的。。。

新认识的女网友说后悔谈恋爱谈少了哈哈哈。。。

她推荐我的空可以多谈点恋爱哈哈哈。。。

笑死。。。

这不是我不要谈。。。

是没遇到人啊。。。

额。。。

就算遇到了但是我又有自己讨厌自己的一个问题在，

然后就不允许对方喜欢我的这个问题。。。

哈哈哈她说别讨厌自己。。。

恩。。。知道的。。就是慢慢来吧。。。

我这个。。。。

我最近才意识到我这个问题。。。哈哈哈。。。。

那就。。。只能。。只能慢慢来了。。。